Dear Diary,
There are so many things in my mind for my future planning.
I want to have a child of my own, I want to further study, I want to perform Umrah with my husband and also travel the world.
But too little time and insufficient of funds haha
But for now I have decided to focus on having a child first
Once at a time but all out
InshaAllah. Ameen
Dear diary,
Yesterday I got news that my cousin is pregnant with her 3rd child.
I’m feeling happy for her but deep down I question myself
‘When will be my turn?’ 😔
Before I slept last night, my tears stream down my cheeks
O Allah,
Forgive all my husband and I, we’re a sinner
Forgive me if I ever doubt and questions your plans for me as I know You’re the All Knowing
Forgive me for being ungrateful for everything You have bestow upon me
Forgive me if I’ve asked for more than I deserved 😞
Bless me with patient and make me a better muslim
Dear Diary,
Today marks 23 Ramadan 1445H, Raya is approaching, exactly one week to go! Yuhuuu
Today we packed some instant foods for front liners who have to work during 1st day of Syawal. But heyy I also work on the first day of Syawal, why I didnt get one meh? Haha
All the preparation of raya is already settled. Alhamdulillah. This year with opt for purple. Next year I want to make the decision, all this while it's always my mum and my sis got to decide 😕 And I already have the color in mind, mint greennn! Haha
Ramadan this year is too dull for me, I only perform tarawikh once, I feel so ungrateful but the satan in me is more powerful hoho. Forgive me my Lord. I'll try my best to perform my 2nd tarawikh tonight and untill the last day of Ramadan, InshaAllah.
You want Allah to grant your prayers but you dont have the effort to worship Him. Silly!
Dear Diary,
I guess it’s still not too late to wish a Happy New Year to myself, hope this year will go smoothly with mercy of Allah, and I will become wise and stronger
Dear Diary,
I really wanna hug someone but I dont have anyone
I’m all alone in this journey
I need a shoulder to lean on, an ears to listen to me but yet I just have me
I’m in the room, alone
It’s so hurt, so so hurt
Bye, I cannot write anything anymore
Dear Diary,
Happy New Year! Starting of this 2023 seems not so good for my mood. I don't know why, but feel something is incomplete. Maybe I just overthinking, maybe at this age, I no longer strong enough to control my mind.
Today I cooked lunch for my husband, rice, roasted chicken and butter milk with some vegetables. Unfortunately, the butter milk spilled over her car's cushion. He babbled and sound like he regret bringing it and I don't know why out of sudden, my tears drop. I hate being too sensitive. I wasn't like this before. Maybe my age, my situation make me fragile inside.
Oh, if Allah's will, my parents and my sister will perform Umrah on this Syawal. I wanna go with my parents, I have enough money, just for the fee but my husband still don't have the money. He permits me to go but I know he wishes for me to go with him, one day, God Knows when. I feel heavy at heart but as a wife, I must follow my husband.
Oh Allah, thank you for the past years and thank you for another opportunity. I pray that this year brings me more happiness and tranquility, become a better muslimah in every aspects of life, brings me more success and money so that I can make people that I love happy. I hope I become stronger to flow together with the tide of life.
Dear Diary,
Today is the first day of November, 60 days before we approaching 2023. Time does fly too fast, it's like yesterday we entered 2022.
Alhamdulillah for my life this year so far, no big and fussy issue, life runs smoothly.
Yesterday we went to LPPKN Bertam for my husband semen's analysis. The result turns out not good, seems like the supplement that my husband religiously take is not functioning well. Honestly, I feel a little bit down compared to previous assessment.
I feel like give up, I feel like we have to many sins that Allah has delayed our prayers.
And today I got my period. Hmm no wonder about the feeling I felt yesterday. Actually the heartache is still there but I think it's normal. I just need to accept the feeling, let it flows and I'll be okay in a short time. InshaAllah.
No, I didnt blame my husband at all, not his fault, it is what it is. We tried our best and will continue trying. I just need some time and space for this feeling to flow away.
Allah knows best.
Dear Diary,
Ehemm. Look like I keep my promise to update here daily haha.
Last night, my Husband and I decided to go for a 5km jog after maghrib. We were on our full apparel, went out the house but unfortunately the clouds decided to poured down its rain. By the way I was half grateful at the moment haha and felt so grateful when my Husband asked to go bought burger! HAHA
So ended, we bought burgers and 1 cup of Saigon Coffee Nutella. Both taste were superbly delicious! My stomach was very happy yesterday. We ate while watching Mission Impossible on Netflix.
Ouhh, my Husband just bought for our home 55'' Android TV. I'm very happy with that new friend hehe. Thank you Husband! After a year living there, at last we can afford a tv. This month I plan to buy coffee table for the budget less than 200, do you think I can get coffee table with that price? Don't have time to survey around furniture store. Should find some time!
Today I have lunch date with my friend, still confusing whether to have Japanese cuisine or Korean cuisine. My stomach is already growling haha. 3 hours to go. I have with me brownies that I bought yesterday, can chew that first hehe.
Starting this Monday I plan to challenge myself no sugar 6 over 7 days. We'll see how hehe.